On A Diva’s Christmas Carol

Certainly, the best adaptation of A Christmas Carol, IMHO. Where can you go wrong with Vanessa Williams, Rozanda “Chilli” Thomas, and Kathy Griffin? You just can’t. Let’s also not forget Scrooged.

According to the ApeCulture review:

Jesus Christ, enough with the Diva crap! I don’t think I can stand it anymore.

But hey, this isn’t so bad. I mean, not the royally bad you would expect from some made-for-music-TV shew. In the first few seconds, with the remote firmly in my shaking, Diva-weary hand, Vanessa Williams is playing a pretty bitchily good bitch, I’m thinking. I am inexplicably entranced. They call her Ebony! Isn’t that cute. Like Ebenezer but African-Americanized. She’s tight with her money, full of bah and humbug. She mistreats her employees and even has a niece to match Scrooge’s nephew. How special.

I must admit, at first the idea of reviewing this Diva-thing made me grumpy. For one, Charles Dickens this aint. And if it’s not some VH-1 Save The Music Foundation piece of crap, I aint reviewin’ it. And isn’t it annoying that everyone’s a movie studio today. Hey, where’s MY movie studio? But isn’t Vanessa bitchy? My favorite dethroned Miss American. She’s so bitchy!

Her character Ebony is from Patterson, New Jersey. The Ghost of Christmas Past, played by a scene stealing Kathy Griffin (Vanessa: “Stop haunting me!”; Kathy: “Stop being so hauntable!”), tells her that. She takes her though her obvious Diana-Ross-isms of a girl group and diva-worthy breakup. So far, the writing isn’t annoying me. I can’t pick out mock-worthy lines anyway. (“This isn’t Where are They Now?. That’s on later.”) I keep watching. The Ghost of Christmas Present, is played by a Duran Duranian, John Taylor, who is now so porky it must be seen to be believed. The Ghost of Christmas Future is played by a show: Behind the Music. Hmm, how clever in an utterly annoying and despicable way. I’m not the product placement police, but this one gets under my craw. Behind the Music as some kind of all-knowing, wise and judgmental entity! Give me a freakin’ break! Is that narrator an indentured servant or something? “The remarkable life and tragic death of a diva.” Gag me with a diva!

Ironically, the music of Ebony and her former girl group is pee-yew bad. Music such as this probably would never see the light of VH-1 in an ad for maxi-pads. But what does amaze me about this movie is how multi-interracial it is in a completely non-racial way. It’s truly touching to this scrooge.

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